Baby brothers can be a headache.

Rhonda and I have had some trouble with Nick.  Since Harper has come home, Nick seems more argumentative, prone to tantrums and screaming fits, and “potty accidents”, all of which we thought we left behind.

Anyone who has read about “toddler regression” will probably recognize the classic signs of a toddler who is insecure with his place in the family.  As far as I understand it, Nick may be having issues with the idea that he is no longer the main focus of the adults’ attention at home and is trying to emulate the behaviors of the person who is now receiving all the attention – his baby brother.  Which makes a lot of sense, really, though I doubt it’s so calculated.

While this is highly frustrating for Rhonda and me, it sounds like a fairly common occurrence and not really anything to worry about.  Here’s how some experts recommend dealing with Nick’s issues:

• Accept it, to a point.  Refrain from criticizing the “babyish” behavior – the point isn’t to shame the kid and you risk him deciding that bad attention is better than no attention.  Instead, try to let the regression slide but make sure to praise the “adult” behavior profusely.  He’ll remember the advantages of being a big boy eventually.
• Avoid comparisons to the baby, negative or positive.  You don’t want to spark sibling rivalry early and the child needs to be assured that some things are all about him.  Regardless of the baby, he is a big boy and his parents love him.  He needs to be reassured
• Make sure to set aside time for the older sibling.   Play Legos, read a bedtime story, even have some parent/big kid move time.  Just set aside at least 15 minutes a day that are all about your toddler.
• Recruit your toddler to help with feedings or diaper changes.  Let him be Mom and Dad’s little helper.  If he resists, though, don’t push – this could just cause further resentment.  Encourage, but don’t force.
• Watch the gift thing.  If all of your visitors come by with toys for the new baby and none for the older sibling, that can be disheartening.  Ask visitors to bring a token gift for your toddler, too.  It doesn’t have to be big, it’s the thought that counts.  Luckily, Nick gets ecstatic over toys from the quarter machines at the grocery store.
• Finally, take a step back in the training process, too.  Remind your toddler about bathroom breaks and whatnot, insist when he resists, and so forth.  You’ve done this before, you know what you’re doing.

Ideas on how long this whole regression lasts seem to vary between a few weeks to a few months.  You know your toddler better than anyone.  If the recommended steps don’t seem to be working, talk to your child’s doctor.

In our case, it ended the first time Nick went to his Grandma’s.  Some time alone with an adult, being the center of attention, is all he needed to restore his confidence.

Above all, love your kids.  They need it.